Mindless Babble

so I am losing about 1.8 lbs a week, 7.5 a month and I have noticed certain areas are not re tightening as quickly as I like.  Sagging skin not very sexy.  So who has good relatively cheap ideas to re tighten skin and make it firmer.  Any brand of lotion you swear by etc?

on they way home some guy on K or E (or something mellow) started following me. He was trying to give me words of wisdom but he was barely speaking above a whisper.  Stopped at All Star for a corn dog and I still couldn't follow him but it was amusing and so none threatening at all, we parted ways and I walked to Market to for the 800 when I meet up with William Chappelle, Dave Chappelle's brother.  He asked me for a light when I asked him for a clove and the next thing I know he doing free style rap to me and asking me if he could buy me a drink once we get to Oakland.  (it didn't happen)

Amusing ride home. 

How I said on Jan 29th I'll either write a check for rent secure in my knowledge I work 40 hours a week or a 30 day notice...

Well it going to be a rent check....

I GOT THE JOB AT HAPPY HOUND!!!!!

Universe has been showing me I have friends that love, care and appreciate me. 

Friday I had already had plans to go to my old old friends Beth's birthday party (After the brief stint at a group home in 93 I ended up being her room mate for the remainder of my first extended stay here.  I have not seen Beth since 1998) but I was thinking my ride was going to fall through.  I get a text from Noah and Carrie to go to Burger Meister.  Just like that out of the blue...  While at burger meister my ride came through and I was off to SF with another old friend Claire who I knew from that time period as well.  I recall the first time I met her was at Temple at the Oasis in the upstairs area.  Though I haven't seen Claire in a long while either, last i bumped into her was at Lucky JuJu Pinball around, 2004??? or was it 05?.  At the party was Ferret, Chad, Victor and Turner.  Victor and Chad I haven't seen since 1998, Ferret went to Ain't Dead Yet in 2001, Turner I've seen recently at Forbidden Island.  Plus met a few new people.

Saturday I get a text from Phylean to hang out.  Of course it took awhile to actually hook up, but it happened.  She was quite sad that I was debating moving and even offered space at her studio.  She was being very optimistic about me finding work she even tried to get me a job at Home Depot.  Oddly, soon after she suggested it I get a text from another friend who says I could squat at their pending foreclosed condo.  Met her roomates and other friends shows up but had to leave so I could get enough sleep for work today.

This morning I woke to an email saying "Joel XXX would like to be your friend on Facebook".  Joel was one of two of my bestest friends in Jr. High/High School (Renee being the other).  Forcing him to watch The Cure in Orange. Running a muck with him and Mike in Silverdale, staying up all night at Denny's with Brian in Bremerton creating art (do you still lick your chin when your drawing? Not you Brian).  Playing Vampire live and dice and Magic  and reading comic books.  boffer games and LARP (I already mentioned that didn't I).  a muck a muck a muck.  TOILET PAPER GO DOWN THE HOLE!  you do it THUSLY.

Today I was on the way home from work when I get a tap on the shoulder, it's punk rock Dave.  We talk for a bit on the ride to Park street, catching up etc and just as we're about to get off I see Wanda also on the bus.  Dave and Wanda meet and quickly start talking, yay.  Two hours later I'm at her birthday dinner with many other wonderful people.  Almost all I have seen recently, but Kristine I haven't since since Wanda's wedding.  

Anywho, it's been strange how out of the blue the universe decided, "Hey Christine have some friends." just when I thought my life was falling apart. 

Had fun at a old friends birthday party.  good times.  Last night makes me hope that something does come in the next 6 days.  (well 12 days, I'm going to add a stipulation in my 30 day notice that if I do acquire a job and start working that week I will over night my rent check within the 5 day grace period that I'm allowed to pay my rent)

Although I do still have a spark of hope, the reality of the situation is probably not going to happen and because of that I want to start packing now so I can feel like I am doing instead of just waiting.  On the other hand I feel if I act as if it's not going to work out, it not going to work out, and I'm just jinxing it by packing already.

question?  when should i quit my part time job?  right away so I can focus on nothing but packing or work right up to the end point of Feb 28th?  It's only 20 hours a week, if not raining, so it wont interfere that much.

(I also wonder how hard is it to break a 30 day notice once you sent it out...  lets say mid Feb I do get an offer can I tell my land lord 'oops never mind, my bad'?)

1 week from now I will either be writing a check to my landlord secure in the knowledge I have a full time employment (between one full or two part time jobs) using the last of my savings, or I will be writing a 30 day notice asking to use my pre paid last month rent and using my funds to ship my stuff to Houston TX and then March 1st climb on a Greyhound and say good bye to my home of 16 years.

I am feeling so many emotions right now I'm about to explode. 

I wish my brain would just shut the fuck up.

I will be at La Pinata (Alameda) at 7 for Tacos and margi's and then 8 PM ish at Forbidden Island for tiki drinks.  Stop by at one or both stops.

Today is to be as busy as possible and try to stay as mind numbed as possible.  If that fails I do have two bags of chips, dip and ice cream. I tried to stay up late last night but my body demanded sleep at 1 AM and I woke up naturally at 9 AM.  so much for that.

Today is my 14 year wedding anniversary.  Unhappy Anniversary to me!!!

• Sort magic cards (finished land and now onto blues and then I'm done)
• put value on sorted lot
• go to PO and mail belt
• Do laundry
• put away dishes and do more
• clear off/sort/dust cube storage bookcase
• do a load or more of laundry
• head to The Dammits and feed cats
• listen to music and read
• watch TV/hulu and just try not to think

Yesterday was my interview with Happy Hound and I think it went very well. I'll find out next week. In the next few minutes I'll write a thank you card and send it out before the noon deadline at the mailbox. What made me really excited was that because I have so many years experience in the field of boarding that I may move into department head when that position opens up next year. One question that I answered that made her do a double take was "how fast do you pick things up?" So I told here that on my last job I was given keys and the security code within two weeks after working there when he usually waited 3 months to do that. I really love that place. It is NOT a factory assembly line service of clean-feed-wash-clean-feed but that the action of PLAY and LOVE is in that. I don't have much of a to do list. I feel good about the interview so I don't really want to focus on job hunting today, I also shouldn't let potential jobs to float by so I may peek at CL once or twice today.

• Make and drink coffee
• write thank you card
• shower and get dressed
• call therapist at 10 AM
• take eBay sale and card to post office
• go to safeway and pick up some top ramen and oatmeal and red vines (to help with the no smoking)
• put away laundry from last time I started it
• gather a load and go to laundrymat
• wash dishes
• air out apartment
• Finish sorting magic cards (I still have blues and lands)

Been a busy as well calm few days. Yesterday I helped my friend Ungar unload the contents of a moving pod up three flights of stairs into his and his girlfriend's new apartment. Then we ate yummy pizza and beer. I've been proactive about looking for work, but not being reactive when it not coming to me (as least try to really hard). Speaking of work, the interview that was suppose to be last Monday but had to get rescheduled is tomorrow, I'm all sort of excited. One of the places that I had an interview but pulled the position is hiring again. I don't know if the same person that was *suppose* to leave, or if it a new situations, but they now have Friday to Sunday potion open from 7 AM until 3 PM. Problem is it only $12 for 24 hours and being bound by BART on a Sunday means I can't work until after 8 AM. They were good at contacting me first for an interview before the placed the ad on Craigslist. I respect that. To do List (which is going to be really simple)

• Drink coffee
• Do dishes
• do laundry
• put clothes on eBay
• do more dishes
• do more laundry
• Put more clothes on eBay
• and repeat.

With the help of ztepfinat0r I tweeked a few things, so resume part III.

Qualifications
Can handle, and is comfortable with animals. Capable of performing basic vet assistant functions. Able to perform lab tests and lab set up. Agile in lifting up to 50 lbs and standing for long hours. Advanced computer user with knowledge of mail software, basic html and word processing. Able to type 55 to 60 wpm and to perform basic clerical administrative assistant functions.

Education
Laney College Oakland, CA 2007
Associates in Arts Degree: Liberal Arts with Honors
Associates in Science Degree: Science with Honors
Course work included:
Biology, chemistry, ocean science, calculus, English, and various general education requirements.

Experience
Kennel Technician / Veterinary Assistant
Claremont Veterinary Hospital Oakland, CA October 2008 - October 2009
Responsible for maintaining a clean and healthy environment for the animals
Took care of the individual needs of the animals (feeding, cleaning, vaccinations and medications, walking)
Efficiently and effectively carried out my duties

Kennel Technician
City of Alameda (Animal Shelter) Alameda, CA September 2003 - July 2004
Successfully integrated rescued animals to adoptable or found status
Responsible for maintaining a clean and healthy environment for the animals
Carried out duties in a timely fashion

Laboratory Assistant
Investigen, Inc. Alameda, CA (Hercules, CA) November 2000 - January 2003
Helped maintain a clean work environment
Guaranteed a well stocked inventory of supplies
Flexible in duties to help other departments

Customer Service Representative (RMA)
Viva Computer Fremont, CA March 1997 - May 1999
Responsible for requesting returns to vendor and receiving those replacements in a timely manner
Assisted with client side return requests
Contributed to the smooth function of the returns department

Therapy was interesting yesterday. Longer session since she will be gone for two weeks. We talked about Ego and moving towards Self. I should not use the lack of call backs or the cancellation of interviews as a validation of Ego but to see it as not a fit to Self. I might have used that concept a little too harshly later that evening when tentative movie watching plans fell through. Trying to tell myself that lack of hanging out with friend is not a validation of Ego but that their friendship is not a fit to Self. Harsh but truthful or bitter and being stubborn and reactionary, I don't know. We also did a relaxation and visualization exercise. I internally asked a question about my job and my 'reply' was images of peaks with fog, bubbles in water, a girl with a black bob and a building with gray stone bricks and archways. I have no idea what that means. She helped me with my resume. I was getting frustrated because I couldn't say what my accomplishments were in my previous job history. She told me healer type fields are hard to put into numbers. Although she wont be here physically we have two short phone session set up for the next two weeks. Afterward I biked though Crab Cove instead of taking Central home. Did a little bird watching. I need to remember to put binoculars in my bag. The beach is still closed due to the oil spill back in October. Only saw one person on the beach itself. This morning I saw a lot of postings for a retirement inn, which is something I wold like to do if the animal path doesn't pan out. It's still in the helper/healer field, just with humans, not animals. I applied for three of the positions. A forth sounded interesting but they wanted a CNA. Today's plans

• make breakfast
• wash and steam face to try to get rid of the cystic stress acne
• meditate and/or do yoga
• watch one or both of my movies before they are due back to the library tomorrow
• look at job postings (BUT DON'T FREAK OUT)
• (Once it warms up a bit) Open windows and air out apartment.
• do some tiding up of my apartment and not sit in front of my computer all day.

My tentative plans for movie watching kind of fell though. I have options to go to tiki tuesday at Forbidden Island in about 90 minutes (8PM) if anyone wants to come. Or if anyone has a decent TV and DVD player I have The Notorious Betty Page and O Brother Where Art Thou?.

any one anyone?

I didn't write a to do list up yesterday. Yesterday was a bad day, any more days like that it going to turn my mild depression to a clinical depression. I hate feeling worthless and pathetic and hopeless. Every time in the past that I've hurt myself it was because I felt I had no purpose or value. I really do not like that head space. Interview request I got on Friday for Monday was rescheduled for next Monday, auto generated interview with AppleOne today was canceled because I'm not good enough. People and resume help tell me to list my accomplishments on my previous jobs but to my knowledge I have not done anything extraordinary to warrant that. I haven't created a new project, I didn't retain X amount of customers, I didn't save thousands at a company. I cleaned up shit. I cleaned up more shit. I flipped burgers, I washed lab equipment and did hardware returns.

• Make and drink coffee
• do yoga
• wash and steam face to get rid of stress acne
• shower and dress
• go to therapy session
• continue to look at hotjobs/monster/careerbuilder/craigslist/employmentguide until I'm blurred eyed and brain dead.
• read my books
• put away and wash dishes
• sort clothes

Yesterday felt a lot better and was full of energy. If only I could channel that energy to actual cleaning up my clutter; instead I took multiple walks up an down Park st. Spent $4 at La Pinata on a street taco. Wishing now I hadn't because Mahtab is having brunch in the city and I have no funds to get there. I have $1 on my translink and $16 in the bank and I have an interview I need to go on on Monday which will cost $4.50. Last time I went the city it cost me $12 to get there and back. (Mahtab has offered to pay for my way back). I'm just not that comfortable leaving such a small buffer when I don't know when I'll be able to put more in.
Anywho, started to put single high value MtG cards on Craigslist. I have blues and land left to sort.

• Make and drink coffee
• Do yoga (I actually swept the kitchen yesterday and will be doing it in here instead of the living room)
• continue to put single high value cards on Craigslist
• sort more magic cards
• wash dishes
• continue to look at site for jobs (yes i know i have an interview but that doesn't mean I will get it)
• take food scraps and 3 week old flowers to compost bin when there is a break in the rain (with this cold I've been eating a lot of fruit and fresh teas than normal)
• read my book(s)
• sort through clothes

Happy Hanukkah!

Yesterday was a slow day in which I didn't do much. I did get a call back from Happy Hound in Emeryville for a job interview on Monday! I went to Dan's Produce to pick up some fruit. Pretty much veggied and ate and watched Hulu. Started to sort out my pile of clothes that I unboxed, but trying on clothes when it's cold was not my thing. I don't recall actually applying anywhere, just didn't seem to be any new posts on the various sites that fit me. Oh I did finish sorting through all the white magic cards, sans land. I will probably finish red cards today, or at least work on it.

I am still sick but I woke up feeling better both physically (ah just had a sneezing fit maybe I spoke too soon) and emotionally.

• make and drink coffee
• make breakfast Burrito, now thinking of lunch options. grilled cheese? soup? PB&J?
• stay warm
• get dressed
• go to post office to mail magic cards Just slapping two stamps on it and putting in the drop box, I have no patience to wait in line right now.
• finish sorting through clothes
• put away and wash dishes
• sweep
• vacuum
• rest
• drink lots of liquids

edit

• sort through magic cards I have finished reds and antiques and sorted previous lots not sold on eBay. Now slowly putting higher value cards on Craigslist. I have blues and lands left to sort.

Almost wrote "Nov" above because I ripped off the image of Dec on my calendar and it now says "November" with the December grid. I was finding the image of Micky and Minnie exchanging Xmas presents in front of a tree to be triggering my memory that I will be spending Xmas alone and the person I want to spend it with will be spending the time in Calistoga getting mud baths and massages with someone else that isn't me. It is grief, not some cognitive distortion that I can analyze away. Being sick is making it hard to let it go and think of other things.

Yesterday I sent resumes to a dozen or so places, and with each hit of the sites and with each email I started to feel more and more useless and worthless and totally and utterly incompetent. I have three weeks to get a guaranteed job or else I am moving to TX. I have skills, I WANT to work, so why do I continue to see ads for jobs I've applied to but nobody is calling me back!!! (as I write this I got a call back from Happy Hound in Emeryville, interview on Monday!)

Todo list, which I think is going to be light since I am sick:

• make tea Make more tea, I got fresh ginger from the market, will make a home made brew of ginger and lemon zest
• vacuum
• sweep
• sort magic cards
• hang up clothes
• continue to look for jobs until I'm blue in the face
• sleep
• go to dan produce and get fresh fruit I also got some cock sauce for my ramen soup to help clear up sinuses and avocados for fatty acids and proteins to help in healing and rebuilding cells being destroyed right now by white cells. I love how our white cells are like little fighter pilots just blasting away the infected cells, like some internal space zombie movie. viruses look like some weird freaky space alien with their RNA heads and little spidery legs.
  
• sleep
• drink water
• sleep

Yesterday applied to a few places via CL, waiting for call backs. Went to post office to mail an eBay sale and paid way to much on shipping for what I got for it. (if I continue to use eBay I need to ask for correct shipping cost) also had curtains picked up and paid for, which helped me pay my phone bill. Expressed my kitty's anal glands and watching Cabinet of Dr. Calgari. Coming down with something and wondering if I should let it ride out or if I should go see if it's H1N1 or seasonal flu. If it is H1N1 there nothing I can do about, just curious.

to do list:

• Clear area between bed and dressers
• Vacuum area between bed and dressers
• sort and put away clothes that I've unpacked/washed over the last few days
• sort shoes
• sort and empty toiletries bin and move empty bins to wall move kept toiletries to other storage
• Do some yoga
• read my books
• sort magic cards
• continue to look for jobs The amount of jobs I've applied for vs the amount of call back I've gotten is making me feel really fucking useless and pathetic as a human being.
• go to library and return DVDs
• go to post office and mail MtG lot that i just got paid for

If you would prefer I start a filter to my ToDo lists please tell me.

Went to therapy session yesterday and came home and curled up in my warm air bubble and read, did some dishes and scrubbed my stove top. Applied to a couple of job from Craigslist. Clipped my cats nails and watched Forbidden Zone. Yesterday was pretty good and stable day emotionally.

Oh yea, if you don't want to read these todo lists I can start a filter like the filter for my twitter log.

• drink coffee (my last cup!)
• go to South Shore and get stuff at Walgreen's and Safeway (coffee!)
• deposit remaining cash into bank minus $10 for laundry Shopping was more expensive than thought, kept only 4 for laundry and coinage, deposited the rest.
• at 11 call jury duty line Was not called in, service is complete for 1 year.
• Do whites and maybe a load of blacks (Only whites this week) I will need in the future actual bleach, stains are not coming off.
  
• Clear or move 4 boxes in kitchen to clear wall Unpacked 2 and the other 2 looks like it clothes as well, scooted to the side until i go through the pile of sort that starting in the other room.
• Move "to sell" boxes to newly cleared wall
• Go through shoes and select which I actually wear and sell/donate the rest`putting this off until tomorrow. the area is cramped and the clutter is making me irritable, more the clutter first and create a nice work area first.
• remove "toiletries"cart from closet and sort and put keepers into toiletries drawers in kitchen
• move empty bins to the "to sell" wall
• Move notions cart into closet This got moved to the kitchen wall to get it out of my way it was creating that cluttered chaos feeling in my bedroom. Now that i have room to sort it will get moved to where it suppose to be once that is done.
• put shoes i wear in front of said cart
• hang up clean clothes
• vacuum bedroom

After I do all that i hope to have enough space in my living room to do some yoga or something. My desk will still be covered in banker boxes full of fabric and other stuff but the ability to walk to my ladder and NOT sideways will be grand.

edit---

added to the todo list

• receive payment for curtains
• deposit payment
• pay cell phone bill
• sent off absinthe bottle to eBay winner Related, I am really hating eBay and the post. I thought it would be $4.95 when I placed the auction up and when I realized it would be more I had already got a bid. When auctioned ended I asked for $2 more to cover shipping and she didn't comply. I received $6.95 and i cost me nearly $10 to ship and $2 on packaging. I had to pay $5 out of pocket to sent the item to her.

Didn't do much at home as I wanted to yesterday. Picked up books from library, tried to look for animal related place in Downtown Oakland. Found one closed business. Hung out, and when I got home was freezing so made a little fort in my loft bed. Popcorn, check, water, check, iPhone check, light, check, TV remotes, check, books, check. (heat rises + loft bed = warm cozy pocket of air)

• Make coffee and drink before it gets cold kind of failed on this one 1/4 left and it is cold.
• Get washed up and dressed
• Go to therapist appointment
• clean clutter in house
• read books that i got
• start journal (I still need to do this!)
• sort magic cards
• continue to look at monster/CL for jobs
• DO NOT GET SICK